Despair – A Poem by Ian Lepkowsky

Despair

Death, come swiftly in my sleep
I want to see the reaper reap
Without you I don’t feel whole
So go ahead and take my soul
Take me to heaven or take me to hell
To make to demons or to angels
Because I’m done with living the pain is too intense
Nothing in my life makes any sense
I’m tired of having to deal with this shit
So I’m giving up, I’m done, I quit

As I walk through my life my hand draws nearer to the knife
I do not want to live another day
I go to pick it up because everything is so fucked up
I wish it didn’t have to be this way
I look in the mirror and see a reflection of me
And I know this is how it has to be
I take the blade and slit my wrists, the blood flows slowly down my fists
And I can see a tear drop in my eye
I think of the terrible life I had, how could it have gotten so bad?
I am glad that I will shortly die

Sitting alone with a gun to my head
Why can’t I pull the trigger? I want to be dead
Is it because I’m thinking of all of the friends I had?
Or because I’m thinking of what this will do to my mom and dad?
But I can’t let that stop me because they’re the reason I feel this way
I’ve made up my mind and there is nothing anyone can do or say
But I can’t help thinking why couldn’t they just be nice to me?
The way things were weren’t the way that they had to be
I need to stop I’m wasting time I’ve gone too far to return
The fire of life is too hot for me and I’m starting to feel the burn
So now I look out the window and hear the calming sound of rain
It helps me pull the trigger, I feel better, finally there’s no more pain

I have a cup, of poison filled, right to the brim, from it I drink
I can not stop, although it kills, my world is dim, I can not think
It’s killing me, I want to live, just stop me now, save me from this
Save me from me, and please forgive, I don’t know how, to live in bliss
When the sun shines, my day is bright, I love my life, but I can not
Maintain these times, I make it night, love turns to strife, all I have got
I throw away, I don’t know why, I grab my cup, I take a sip
So I must pay, and as I try, there falls a drop, upon your lip
My poison spreads, my virus kills, now I’ve hurt you, I am a pest
These snapping threads, no more sweet thrills, so I am through, lay me to rest

Ian Lepkowsky

Ian is a passionate writer searching for personal transformation through unconditional self expression. He's also a philosopher, artist, and creator that's interested in video games and food and stuff.

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