What if Pandas Shed Like Snakes
Maybe I should just let them kill me. Maybe I should crack under the pressure. What would happen if I did? What ripple would it have on the world if I no longer existed? How many of you would really care? There would be those of you who would be sad to hear the news. I’m pretty sure most of you would be sad to hear the news. Most people are at least somewhat sad to hear about a death. But how many of you would really be affected? How many of you would actually feel a loss? I build myself up in my head to be such a great and important person. Am I so big in your head? In anyone else’s head? Or merely my own? There are a lot of people that don’t like me. There are a lot of people that Love me. What am I standing for? Why not just fall? Why not just collapse? Why continue to rebuild? What drives me to keep going is the notion that I have a purpose. Some reason that I’m here for. Ever since I was young I always felt like I was going to grow up to do something important. Not just for me but for the world. I wonder if that’s true. Maybe it’s just a child’s fantasy that got lodged into my memories on its way to the trash. There’s a part of me that would be happy to watch everything collapse. I would love to be fiddling with Nero while the whole world burns. Because I think it’s ridiculous. The world. I would love for my last action to be frivolous as in their last moments everyone else is looting, fucking, killing, and praying. But only if they could hear our fiddles. Just to make them think. Just to let them know that there are some out there who feel relieved that it’s all finally over.